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And I mean flushed in the non-bathroom sort of way Weighing my pockets with stones of longing |
(Originally in French) I decided this evening that I need to keep writing. It'll help me keep up my French, help me reflect, and hopefully give me some luck communicating with others without swamping them with things I should have vented in my journal. So. Where to start? I arrived in France on the 27th of September, so that makes three weeks that I've been here. I spent almost one week with Kate in Montpellier - the first three nights in our tiny room at the Hotel Majestic on the rue du cheval blanc (fourth floor! what an ordeal that was, hauling luggage up those winding narrow stairs...). I woke up once in the middle of the night and we were holding hands. Then we spent two nights at the Feltons'. While there we survived the longest day of my life, my first meal of mussels and french fries, and my first tastes of French wine. Also, we saw the biggest pot plants I have ever seen in my life. As a matter of fact the ONLY pot plants I have ever seen in my life. Sunday and Monday night I took a room alone in Narbonne at the train station hotel before finally getting into my apartment on Tuesday. It was kind of a mess, what with the Catch twenty two of needing a bank account to sign the lease and needing a lease to get a bank account, but everything worked out in the end. I was scheduled to start my first classes tomorrow at Anatole France, two CE2s, the youngest of my classes, but today I received the letter from the Immigration Office summoning me to Carcassonne for the mandatory medical exam, so I'm taking the 8h40 train. Jessica, the Canadian assistant from Inspection I is going with me. So since I don't work on Wednesdays and I don't start at Ecole Jean Mac� until after the vacation, I just have to prepare for my three classes at Lakanal for Thursday afternoon. It's still one class from each level (CE2, CM1 and CM2) so I'm a little nervous yet. Thankfully I have all of Wednesday and I really only need to introduce the subject for the most part. Apparently I will be going by Miss Spies for the next 8 and a half months. When I think about my work the year seems frighteningly long, but when I think about daily life, the profound connection that I want to have with this town, it could never be enough time. It's going to go fast, and then I'll have to actually sort out my life. Will I stay in France, and how? Will I go elsewhere, to Mali for example? Will I take up my studies again? In what and how will I pay for it? I have too many questions and no answers. It's the same story for my romantic life. Since this summer I find myself feeling more and more smitten with K, but I don't understand it. It's all crazy with no logic. We just started getting to know each other outside of VanVac and then suddenly I left the country. It's not fair, nor realistic to expect anything. On top of that, I'm still full of questions about what Theo is thinking. He writes to me and everything, we're sure to see each other again, and we talked at one point about possibilities of getting back together after he returns from the Peace Corps, not that it was a promise or anticipation. Why does two years then seem like two weeks? I haven't talked to him about K yet, and I'm not really sure what I would say anyway. I don't even know what's going on. At this point I think I could live here for a long time except that I already miss American food. And I would like to have an oven. I wonder if I'll end up finally putting an end to my endless craving for pasta since that's all I've been eating. What else? I have stopped eating meat except for whatever's in my ravioli and when I go out, which doesn't happen often these days. I've been watching too many movies because once night falls my apartment becomes dark and silent. I never or rarely go out at night, and after the sun sets I hardly even get up on my feet. How sad! What am I doing? I need to get some sleep. It's possible that Jessica will want to go to the bar tomorrow, and I have to think about buying food and work supplies and presents for Isabel and Hillary and curtains AND prepare for my classes. I hope with all my strength that I will be able to get an almond cake tomorrow at the Brioche du Moulin, or at least some caramels at the Chocolaterie des Corbieres, or at the very least some Turkish Delight at les Halles. It's late.
Why do I only talk about eating? at 6:03 p.m.
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