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And I mean flushed in the non-bathroom sort of way Weighing my pockets with stones of longing |
Well I'm sorry to you (two?) people who maybe read my diary that it hasn't been very exciting. That reminds me of a cartoon that we've had on our refrigerator since I was little that has a woman with a bunny rabbit at a vet's office and the vet is saying: "It is sluggish and inactive, madam, because it is a house-slipper." Today has been sensitive. I don't know. I got up early because I didn't finish my reading last night and I wasn't going to do it but I didn't want to be rushed not doing my reading anyway. So I took a nice lazy shower and it was okay except the music on the eternal-playing-anonymous radio was sad. So I wondered if I was feeling sad because of the music or because of something else. And so I wore a big fuzzy sweater with extra long sleeves and a front pocket and my pants got caught on my bicycle gears. At least my feet didn't slip. So I got to Linguistics and I couldn't take notes fast enough and the whole hour the radiator or poltergeist or something was banging away like six thousand times a minute at airplane-take-off-volume and it made me flinch every time and it was scary and it made Dr. Tiff have to talk really loud so she sounded angry even though she wasn't. And I felt kind of like a little kid wanting to curl up and fall asleep under the piano bench. So then I went to French where I couldn't speak or think or articulate or have the commentaires read or write what I was thinking during the writing exercise because I was supposed to be writing about a time when I was 10 or 12 and felt rejected and alone. How sad is that? So I felt bad and didn't write anything and then felt flustered and unintelligent... and by the time I got upstairs to get a drink of water I was all teary and feeling dumb for feeling. So I went to History and Professor North cheered me up with his impressions, but I still felt small. So I didn't check my mail and came home and feel confused because I'm not really sad anymore, but I can't open my mouth because my tongue is pressed to the top and my eyes feel weepy. I would read Orlando but that would make things worse and I would do my homework but that might either a) make me fall asleep or b) make things worse and Suzy won't get home until later when we can watch Benny and Joon and it will a) cheer me up and b) make me want a Johnny Depp and therefore c) make things worse. That is how things are now. We will see where they end up.
making things worse at 2:14 p.m.
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