It's never too late.

And I mean flushed in the non-bathroom sort of way

Weighing my pockets with stones of longing

Especially when those days are Saturday and Sunday.

They always come crawling back

Could not sleep last night at all. Lame. Now I am tired, cold, and lazy, but I have to go out, go teach three classes at Lakanal and go grocery shopping. Maybe I'll just go to Monoprix and get the bare minimum. (So it shall be.)

Afternoon classes went quite well. Matilda told me "You are a good teacher" in English! It was very touching. Finally figured out that Sarah is actually called Marilou. Discussed Max's dossier with Monsieur Cazanave, got a letter maybe calling me back to Carcassonne? We'll see what the sous-pr�fecture de police has to say.

It feels like Tuesday. Je n'arrive pas � croire que je dois travailler demain matin.

I haven't really gotten deep in here for a long time, huh? I wonder, a little, what's going on with me lately. I've either not been sleeping or sleeping ALL the time. I spent the last week eating everything in sight and then this week, today especially, I've hardly eaten anything at all. I spend a good 70 percent of my time daydreaming, and it's satisfying enough that I have no desire to go out. I've alternated between obsessively grooming and going through greasy sloppy stages like this. I wish I could get myself to feel motivated about anything other than inactivity. At least I feel like (a little bit) my work is improving.

I am living in the South of France! Shouldn't I be out there doing something that makes it feel like it? I wish it weren't so cold and I could get pointed in the right direction to traipse off into the countryside to discover the ruins of some crumbling ch�teau...

Still falling in love with the town, at least; you should see the decorations - all the lights went on today for the first day of Advent. Really feels like Christmas. This will be my first Christmas away from home.

Why do I feel like I still have so much growing up to do? Almost 23... Shouldn't I have something figured out by now? Why do I feel like next fall I should be starting high school?

Contradictions at 6:44 p.m.