It's never too late.

And I mean flushed in the non-bathroom sort of way

Weighing my pockets with stones of longing

Especially when those days are Saturday and Sunday.

They always come crawling back

There have been a lot of moments where I had things to say, but I ended up mulling them over in my head instead of spitting them out, and by the time I got back here I'd be too intimidated by everything I wanted to say to actually write anything. Ick.

I'm already ready to go to bed. Mentally, anyway. I have a lot of homework left, but all I want to do is sleep. Monday was vicious: teaching EDUC, test in Latin, writing exercise in French, Mali application due Tuesday... Wow. I can't believe that stuff is all over!

I do have more to talk about, but really all I want to do is finish my stuff and get to bed. I'm going to try the whole getting up early thing again tomorrow. This entry is enough to encourage continued writing later... I hope to have time tomorrow.

I've been invited to sleep over at Theo's tomorrow; we'll see how everything works out.

Possible note of interest... crazy dreams! A few lucid ones, too, which is a nice break, despite the slight disorientation that usually follows them. I keep dreaming of two things... about cutting my hair and about hands. Most of the dreams with hands have been someone kissing someone else's hand; I've been in both the giving and receiving positions. The first lucid dream was really fun; the place i was in had a crazy layout, all full of nooks and little corners and strangely shaped rooms. I went back into one that was curtained by a kind of sheer fabric - I remember that fabric being the only significantly colored thing in there, though I don't recall what color it was - and it had a mattress or two stacked in the back. I sat down and was trying to lure somebody in with me, I was reaching out for their hand, but then I felt my hand being held in the waking world, so I shifted my focus to that feeling and tried to pull myself out of the dream using it. I successfully followed it to my bed; Theo was holding my hand and he said I was talking in my sleep. I wondered if I had been describing the rooms in my dream, because during the dream I had been narrating everything I saw, enjoying the overlap of feeling my vocal chords, hearing my own voice and being asleep. Then I woke up again, and realized that Theo holding my hand was actually another level of dreaming. It's perplexing how I had three kinds of consciousness going on simultaneously - the room dream, the "reality" dream, and real life by waking standards. In all three I had all of my faculties, free will, physical sensations, etc.

Another dream I remember John was hanging out in our room and he was about to leave. I kept looking at him; he said goodbye, then "Goodbye, Allison Spies." Then I kissed his hand. The kiss was oddly long and intimate, though... Theo is the only person I know who really calls me by my full name, so I've been trying to figure out what "John" qualities of his I was thinking about. Then I had a totally crazy dream that I was pretty much going at it with Patrick, and we were conspiring about keeping a relationship... I know there was more to it, but now I can't remember. Too bad I waited so long to write about it! Here's something interesting that happened around the same time as my dreams: I was getting ready to go say goodnight to Theo and I had a flash vision of him kissing my hand (hands again!). I didn't say anything about it, but right before I left he kissed my hand. It felt kind of empowering, recognizing the gesture. I wonder what it all means...

I know my mom really wants me to come home this weekend, but I don't know if I can handle more stuff to do...

OK! That's a little more substantial I guess, though it doesn't say much about "real life!" French Team is exciting, and growing. Spring is still on its way!

Love,

Allison

"La lune se divise sur l'eau"

Trying to get back into the swing of things at 11:02 p.m.